"This is your chance to wear one of those Liz Hurley numbers,",zentai suit; says an envious friend. Forget it! Safety pins won’t be up George Clooney’s street; besides, I don’t have those sort of breasts.
A real fashion dilemma kicks in. I decide that I have really got to go for it, you know, get in to the caped crusader spirit of things. So, the question is should I do a Poisoned Ivy or a Batgirl look?
I head to Soho for inspiration. First stop is Slinky’s in Walkers Court, next door to the Raymond Revue Bar, in the heart of rubber-land. "Do you have anything Batgirl-ish?" I ask a large lady behind the counter (pink mohican, lots of leather and pierced eyelids),Spiderman Costumes, who shows me her range of PVC. I decide to try on a pounds 75 catsuit.
The catsuit goes on easily enough. . . Hold on, I didn’t realise there was a zip down there, too. Looks fabulous though; very Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman. There’s something to be said for shiny PVC – it positively lights up the complexion. Unfortunately, I encounter a rather large problem in that I can’t actually move in it, let alone sit down for the duration of a film. I shuffle out of the changing room in the inflexible zentai and ask to try on some rubber instead.
A svelte black rubber dress (pounds 85 – these "fabrics" don’t come cheap) makes embarrassing squelching and slapping noises as I drag it over my body. What a fit! Forget Lycra, there’s nothing like rubber to hold and lift. What’s more, I am very surprised that said dress has all the elements of this season’s trends; plunge neckline, back split (albeit far higher than was shown on the catwalk) and cut just below the knee. But will George Clooney get these subtle fashion nuances? I think not. Trouble is, I am totally stuck in an elephant-miming position with the dress caught under my arms, which are thrown in front of my body like a trunk. I daren’t ask for help from the big lady with pierced eyelids or the next-door changing room, which is giving off bizarre noises (it sounds like outfits are being tried on that involve chains). Eventually, I wriggle out of the rubber and the buying of very expensive Gotham-esque items.
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